What's Missing?
by Serie11
Summary: Homura's been missing something all her life. Except, she doesn't know what it is.


**(I was thinking about Alyssa, and pmmm, and then this happened. So this is for you :))**

Homura knew there was something wrong from the beginning.

It waxed and waned during her life. There were moments where she felt normal, and almost happy. There were moments spent with Mami or stolen with Kyouko that made her smile.

Then there were other moments, where she felt she couldn't breathe because of her loss, grief drowning her, choking her lungs of its precious material, starving of oxygen.

She didn't know what she grieved for: her family was out of the picture, and she'd never been that close to them in the first place. Sometimes she put it down to her job. Killing demons was a job that was well respected, because it was necessary, but the general consensus was that you had to be crazy to do it.

Hunting demons was one of the only thinks in her life that made sense. It gave her a purpose, something to do, something to get her up in the morning when her grief and loss came to lay an iron grip around her throat.

Kyuubey helped. He wasn't human, could only pretend to be, and he didn't try too hard around Homura. Never had. It hadn't taken him long to persuade her to join the ranks of girls across the world who fought for the greater good.

Girls. Not women. Because no one lived long in this trade.

Homura liked Kyuubey because she didn't have to pretend around him. Mami clung too hard to everything that life could offer, while Sayaka and Kyouko lost themselves in each other. They let emotions in. Homura knew they wouldn't last much longer.

Kyuubey had told her from the first time they'd met that she was different. She had never known him to lie about anything, so she took him at his word. She gave him purified souls frequently, so he followed her. She thought he liked her because she didn't have to pretend to be human at all. In fact, she preferred that he wasn't. He probably thought dealing with her was a unique experience. She was well known, although she didn't want to be. She was one of the oldest who had been in the field, verging on five years now. Kyuubey had found her when she was fourteen.

She did the dirty work. She left the cities and their large populations to venture into the sprawl of wilderness on the fringe of human civilisation. Nature that that might submit in the future, but that dominated now.

She found the demons that lurked there, and she killed them.

And still she felt incomplete.

It sounded much easier than it was. First, you had to find signs of one. With her her wings, she could travel to places that were not options for others, and could cover ground a lot more quickly. She was suited for the chilling aloneness that existed outside of human habitation, which was one of the main reasons other magical girls stuck to the cities.

Sometimes newbies thought that because she only faced down demons rarely, she was living longer. They took to the wilderness in order to test this theory out.

Most never came back.

City demons might be more frequent, but demons outside them were deadlier. They had had the time to mature and age, unlike city demons, who lived for a week before being destroyed.

Homura had faced down creatures that were older than she was. She tracked them, learned them, and then shot them down from wherever they were hiding.

Always through the heart.

Or what counted as a demons heart, anyway. Demons were simply corrupt souls, and while they took varying, crazy forms – she'd seen everything from bears to ten story tall goldfish – they always had one thing in common. Their weak spot.

Homura didn't know why a demons weak spot (the source of their power; their _soul_) glowed. Maybe it's the final attempt of the soul trying to stop itself from doing all the horrible things demons often commit. All she knew was that all demons had one, and that it made it easy to shoot them where it counted.

Sometimes she thought she was the one who had been shot through her heart as she lined her bow.

She can almost feel it happen. Bow strung. Arrow knocked. Target sighted. Squint eyes. Purse mouth. Tighten hands. Pull string. Aim. Loose.

Target hit.

She won't become a demon, she knows that. If her soul gen runs out (_when her soul gem runs out_, a part of her whispers) she'll just vanish, like all magical girls do.

Sometimes she feels giddy when she thinks about what could be after the vanishing.

So she hunts. Gives the extra souls to Kyuubey. And tries to feel complete.

It's a bit hard when you can feel a person shaped hole in your heart.

She's tried everything to fill it. Nothing works. Not drugs, or alcohol, or sex, or drenching herself in her work and the blood that comes along with it. She tried dating and it had just made her feel worse.

Kyuubey doesn't have an insight, but Kyuubey doesn't have any emotions. She's grateful for that, so she can just tell him to piss off when he's annoying her, and he will. She doesn't have to worry about hurting his feelings, because he has none. Theirs is basically a business relationship. As long as she does her job, he'll be around. And she's going to do her job until she dies or vanishes, so she can count on him as a stable part of her life.

It's fucked up when the being you spend the most time with is an unfeeling alien who cons girls into selling their souls.

So she hunts and flies and tries not to think about the human shaped hole inside her, begging to be filled.

Some things make it better. She feels better when she holds her bow, but that's probably just because she knows she can defend herself. She always ties her hair up with the same ribbon but that's just habit, just routine. Nobody likes to have their routine broken.

That's what she's doing now. Her routine. Kyuubey hasn't been by in a few months, and she hasn't been back to a city in longer than that. No doubt that soon they're going to think that she's died out here.

She hasn't come across a demon in a while, and soul gem is getting low on power. She isn't particularly worried. If it's her time to vanish, then it's her time to vanish. If not, she'll find a demon soon. She's been tracking one for a few days now.

Homura lifted her eyes and squinted into the sun. It's nearing nightfall, and that was when most demons are active.

She checked her bow, but it's in perfect working order, like always. She didn't know why she has always had the feeling that one day it's going to snap and that she's going to break alongside it.

Just another thing in her life that she can't explain.

She continued following the tracks of the demon. It's leading her towards what looks like a cave system, and she winced. She had always hated caves and their cold, dark depths, which always felt like the walls were closing in on her.

Nonetheless, she's going inside because the demon went inside, because that's what she does. The jobs that no one else wanted to do.

The tracks disappear inside the cave. (It's as dark as her heart feels.) She quietly stalked down the main path, trusting herself to choose the path that would lead her towards her quarry. It isn't long before the tunnel opened out into a cavern, and Homura can feel herself begin to smile.

It's not a smile, not really. More like a twisted version of one, the type of smile that people who hurt things for a living and like it. It would scare most people.

She never knows why she likes this part the most. Besides other magical girls (that she never knew or cared about), demons had never killed anyone she knew. She didn't really care about the thrill, or about killing them before they killed her. She didn't really care about justice or whatever other magical girls spouted on about to make themselves feel better so they could sleep at night.

She just liked killing them.

It always felt like they'd taken something from her, and she could never explain it, not to Mami or Sayaka. They always just kind of looked at her funny as her sentences slowly trailed off into an embarrassed silence.

No one understood.

She didn't really care for making them understand. No one would challenge her, and she didn't want a city, so she never fought any other magical girls, and she held their respect. That was enough for her.

She turned her head slightly to pick up a small shifting sound to her right. She made sure everything is in place before pulling back on the bowstring. An arrow appeared on the string magically, and she sighted down it, waiting for anything to move in the deep gloom.

Silence.

Quiet.

Stillness.

…

A soft shuffle.

Homura let go of the string and wasted no time watching to see if it hit its mark. She leapt onto a narrow shelf cut into the wall next to her as a pained cry echoed through the cavern. She licked her lips, drawing back her bow and loosing a flaming arrow into the darkness towards the sound so she can see what she's up against.

After looking once, she can fight in total darkness if she needs to.

The arrow curved across the space, casting a light on the demon.

Like all demons, it has a deep blackness surrounding a tiny speck of life. The shadow that it is moves and shifts, but stays in the general shape of a prancing horse, throwing its head back and leaping away from the light.

Demons do not like light.

It's bigger than a normal horse, the head about as high as a two story building. Homura doesn't reach its knees. She leaps up higher, climbing the rock wall. Finding a nook where she can cling, she fired again. The demon finally spotted her, and a red glint shined in its eye. She didn't doubt that it has taken lives before, magical girls even.

She's not going to be its next meal.

It reared and shadowy hooves threatened her, but she jumped off the wall and summoned her wings. She dived under its belly and aimed towards the speck of life. The arrow cut through the shadow but missed the heart. It did however, injure the horse.

It screamed and tried to get its head around to bite her. She lands on its head instead, ignoring the disgusting shadow slipping around her, leaving oil on her shins and under her nails. Her feet started to sink into the gelatinous creature, but she ignored it and pulled her bow back and shot the heart.

The horse stills under her and she beat her wings frantically, trying to pull free of the shadows that cling to her. She takes off in time to avoid the inevitable explosion.

In the small space, she was knocked into a wall, and her breath rushed out of her. She held on as tight as she could to the outcrop, hoping that the piece of wall she's on isn't going to fall like she can hear other rock doing.

She coughed, trying to dislodge dust from her lungs. It took a while to find the purified soul after most of the dust settled, and she sucks up the excess light into her soul gem. The soul itself goes inside her soul gem to give to Kyuubey later. There are three now, and her gem feels heavy with them. She'll have to head back to the city to find him, and to stock up on tea. There are some things you just can't get in the wilderness, and tea bags are one of them.

She kept her wings out as she lithely ran back to the surface, hoping the tunnel won't collapse on top of her. As soon as she's in the jungle again, she spread her wings and jumped effortlessly into the sky.

Even flying, it took a few days to reach the city. Homura disregarded the gates at the entrance. She looked down at the guard lights as she silently cruised over them.

She landed on the top of Mami's building, and made her way inside. Her room is beginning to flow over with random crap, Mami obviously using it as a storage space. Still, it's free and safe, and Homura didn't ask for anything else.

Her eyes flicked open when she heard a key turn in the lock. She silently prowled to the entrance of the room, and watched Mami struggle to get the key out of the door. When she finally closed the door, she jumped in surprise to see Homura lurking in the doorway of the room.

"Give me a heart attack, why don't you," Mami commented, and put some groceries down on the kitchen bench. "I swear, you get more and more stalkerish every time I see you."

Homura shrugs. She hasn't spoken in a few months, and she's having some difficulty remembering how.

Mami started making some food immediately. She tossed water and herbs into a pot before chopping up meant and vegetables. Homura didn't pay much attention to it, instead she walked over to the fridge and opened it. She cut up some cheese and an apple and ate them together, watching Mami as the other girl cooked.

"Kyuubey around?" Homura asks, her voice rough with disuse. She coughed, which cleared her throat of some of the roughness.

"Yeah. He know you're here. He'll come over soon. You probably have some powerful souls for him."

"Yeah."

They move in silence for a few minutes. When the soup is done, Mami cut up some bread and gave half to Homura. She ladled some soup in a bowl and leaves the rest for the dark haired girl.

Homura downed it with relish before heading back to bed. She's tired, and she's only going to be here for another day or so, so she should get all the sleep she can. It's novel, not having to worry about something creeping up and eating her while she's resting.

In the morning, she left before Mami woke up. She's had enough human interaction.

She took care of a minor demon and harvested its soul. It barely did anything compared to the other demons she's faced in the past few months.

She leaped between buildings and ignored the looks and stares. She sees Kyouko in the distance and feels a touch of relief to know that the other girl was still alive.

Kyuubey found her while she was sitting on one of the tallest buildings in the city, looking out over a crowd. It was a marketplace, moving and twisting, almost like a living creature would, with its own moods and thoughts.

Homura gives him the souls she has without speaking. He swallowed them, which has always creeped her out, so she didn't watch while he did it.

"Thank you," Kyuubey rumbled in his low voice. Homura shrugged.

"Yeah, well it's my job. I'm going to do it for as long as I can."

"Good," Kyuubey purrs. "The souls you harvest are particularly powerful."

Homura folded her wings in reached out to start rearranging some of the feathers, the calming motion easing her thoughts.

"I'm going out again, as soon as I get some supplies."

"Very well."

Kyuubey said, and stayed on the rooftop when Homura opened her wings and let herself fall off the top of the building.

She folded her wings inside her as she gave the cashier money for the tea and a few other things, money she had taken from Mami's place.

She caught the bus back to her friend's apartment, drunk on the smells and sounds and sights of people and the crowd. She sat on the gutter outside the building for an hour, watching people. Just because she craved the silence of the wilderness, didn't mean that she didn't appreciate it when she came back to the city. The noises filled her, and would keep her satisfied for the next few months.

When she opened the door, Mami is standing there. The other girl shook her head.

"I almost thought that you skipped town already. There's a meeting between magical girls tonight. Come, share your story. There are a few mewbies around, and I want to make sure that they won't die within a month."

Homura shook her head. Mami sighed.

"At least turn up so the others don't think I'm lying when I say that I saw you and that you're alive."

"I don't care what they think."

"Yeah, well others do. You're a beacon of hope, Homura. Everyone looks up to you, everyone wants to be like you. You're one of the oldest, and you've been fighting since before these girls were recruited. They were raised on stories of you. Just show up."

Homura raised her head to stare at Mami. "No. I'm sleeping here, and then I'm leaving. The city is starting to annoy me."

Mami breathed in and held it for a moment before she released it. "I don't know how you do it."

"I don't know how _you_ do it," Homura countered. Her soul gem is light and she wants to fill it with souls, earned with her hard work and a demon's blood.

Mami's jaw tightened. "Fine. I'm leaving."

"Whatever," Homura shrugs.

Mami left, and Homura looked at the door for a moment before she walked over to open the window. She leaned out and looked down. She bit her lip and gathered her supplies. She didn't need another night of sleep anyway.

So she went, to do her look for more demons, to hunt them, since nobody else wanted to do it. To kill and hunt and eventually die, while trying to ignore the ache inside of her, something that should be there startlingly absent.

She went to do her job.


End file.
